Strategies for a Smooth Sail Home
From a Career Coach & Former Expatriate

It seems like only yesterday we returned home from our international journey that began in London and culminated in Tokyo twelve years later.

Just the thought of "sailing home" evoked all remembrances of things past for me- warm comforting places, familiar faces, that feel good feeling so hard to describe. It would again, be a predictable and secure place where I could comfortably navigate around the old familiar neighborhood without much thought.

I had it in my head and common sense seemed to suggest that there would be no problem returning. After all we were coming home; so how much adjustment could there be?

However, repatriation was very difficult for all of us, especially me. Despite all my experience, I expected the return to be familiar and easy. My expectations were wildly unrealistic and I found myself disappointed with everyone including myself. In a word I was miserable. It could have been so much easier had I spent more time on the emotional issues and less time on packing us all up!

Eventually with time - too much time- I made peace with home and accepted this new and different place as mine.

Since then, I have worked with many expats who were either coming or going. Recently, I contacted these folks and asked them about their repatriation and what strategies worked best for them. Four themes emerged from these conversations that I think you will find very instructive. These global executives and their families distinguished themselves from other returnees by first, embracing and welcoming change as a strategy to promote their success. Second, they dealt with the practical considerations quickly and efficiently. Third, they acknowledged the emotional roller coaster they were on as a temporary condition and developed tricks to cope with the ride. Fourth and most importantly, they created a future focus for themselves. Their dreams and goals became great driving forces for them. Setting goals that incorporated their international experiences made a difference for them and it makes good sense. Everyday we all make dozens of choices. But people with a plan make choices that advance them in the direction of their dreams.

Here are some strategies for you as you pack your bags. The list is by no means complete. Lots of questions are posed purposefully to get you thinking how you can wrap your arms around this transition to ensure a smooth sail home.

Rate Yourself

How ready are you to come home? On a scale of one to ten, one being not ready and ten being completely ready, where are you? What about other family members including the kids? This is a great way to introduce, "It's time to go!" Have a family discussion around your scores. Let each family member take a turn. Acknowledge everyone's feelings. Look for ways to get ready and make lists of what everyone needs to do to get there. What would "ready" look like? What would it take "to be ready?" For example a teenager realized he'd be ready if he could stay through August and go on a planned trip with friends to Eastern Europe. Another person knew he could go after he completed a project in Manchester and trained his successor.

The easy part is packing up our things and emptying out the flat. The most important part of beginning the process of coming home is not only to put your house in order but to prepare to emotionally disconnect.

Remember Your Expat Experience

For each family member, time in the United Kingdom has meant something different. Make sense of what these experiences have meant and reflect on how you have changed. When you arrived, you had expectations about how you might change. This is a critical first step in building your skills into your new position.

Here is another wonderful opportunity to come together as a family to discuss how each of you has grown from your international experience. Have each member create a list of their accomplishments. Other members can offer suggestions to expand the list. As a result you will be better able to formulate productive educational, job and career strategies.

Prepare For a Smooth Departure

Create a checklist of to dos and include all family members. Part of the trick is to make everyone be a part of the process. Everyone pitching in is a great way to get everyone involved and helps members deal with the fact that this phase of their lives is coming to an end.

Invest in the FOCUS REPATRIATION brochure which has the entire list for returning home organized in a great easy to use format. The brochure has taken all the hard work out of making lists for all the practical considerations you have to think about before you return home.

Shift Your Expectations

Planning for unexpected changes at home where places have changed, people are different and routines are lost will help you avoid the "everything will be like it was" syndrome. Most expats I have worked with report that their adjustment process is much harder coming back rather than going out precisely because they do not anticipate problems upon return. One man noted that home seemed like a foreign country! That wonderful encounter of picking up where you left off could be awkward. Friends and family may not be interested in what has happened to you and all your exciting adventures. You seem to have less in common than before you left. You, too, have changed.

Be prepared and be patient for the fact it will take time to become adjusted. Start to manage those expectations now and this will serve you well when you arrive home.

Recognize and Accept Reverse Culture Shock

Re-entry back home is unique for each person. So you can be sure no one in your family will have the same experience. This re-entry is like going on an emotional roller-coaster. Generally, reverse culture shock has many symptoms to watch for when you get home; they can include feelings of isolation, boredom, fatigue, restlessness, low self-esteem and even a vague dissatisfaction with life.

For the employee some causes of reverse culture shock could be related to no real job, loss of autonomy, diminished responsibility as well as loss of status from big fish in a small pond. The impact of this shock seems to be greatest for the accompanying partner who has to reestablish the household, children and herself or himself in a new place. Perhaps, one's former job is gone. Some have reported that this time abroad has been a damaging gap in their employment history.

The kids on the other hand, can face varying degrees of isolation and loneliness since their lack of knowledge of the home cultural, sports, dress style, music and celebrities puts them at a distinct disadvantage to gain admission into a tight peer group.

The best preparation for surviving re-entry shock is to anticipate it and embrace it as a perfectly normal part of returning home.

Give a Hearty Fond Farewell

Make sure to say good-bye. Think about it. Leaving for home will be made easier if you do what David Pollack "third culture kid" expert, suggests: build a RAFT.

Reconciliation:
If you have unfinished business with someone, clear things up. A move may make it easy to run from conflict because we think we are leaving it behind. In reality, however, it is not "out of sight out of mind." We take those same feelings with us to our new destination.

Affirmation:
Spend time thanking friends, neighbors, teachers, coaches, colleagues and others. Let these people know how they touched your life and what they have meant to you.

Farewell:
Say goodbye to as many things as you can. Say goodbye to places by visiting some favorite spots you enjoyed, to people by sending cards and hosting get-togethers, to pets if you don't take them, and to possessions discussing what you will or will not take.

Think Destination:
As you are saying goodbye and letting go you need to start thinking of your destination. What do you expect "home" will be like? What do you expect from family and friends? Start making the transition.

Visualize a Future for Yourself

See beyond the present and visualize what you would like to be doing five, ten and twenty years from today. This strategy will help you make good decisions today. How will you incorporate this enhanced knowledge into a life plan for yourself? Remember you now have international expertise, a highly sought after skill in today's global market place. The kids have this expertise, too! The opportunities are endless and only limited by your imagination.

The Five O'Clock Club, an American based career coaching organization, suggests an exercise to inspire you and move you forward, add meaning to your everyday life and give it some long term purpose. Start with the present, write down, in the present tense, the way your life is right now, and the way you see yourself at each of the time frames previously mentioned. Use these questions as a guide. Imagine your ideal life five years from now, what would it be like? How would it be different form the way it is now? Who are your friends? Where would you be living? What are you doing? What are your interests? How is your health? Create a detailed picture in your mind of your complete life at these intervals. Decide where you want to head and go for it! This exercise will give you some goals to work towards.

For example, recently, a couple did this exercise together and at the 5 year mark realized they both wanted to have another international experience but this time in Asia. They are making decisions now that will get them closer to achieving that goal. She has taken a new job with a company expanding its operations in China. And as part of his career management conversation with his boss, he has already indicated he would like another international assignment.

Hopefully these strategies will give you a course and instruments with which you can navigate the turbulent sea of repatriation and not be tossed by the endless waves of emotions.

Published in Focus Magazine. London U.K. April 2005